Thoughts at 5 A.M.

I fell asleep at about 2 this morning, so it's roughly been like 3 hours since I actually laid down. I wasn't that tired when I went to sleep, and sitting outside right now I'm completely awake. It's really funny how God does these things sometime, I would never have guessed I'd be on the boardwalk in Jersey staying in a condo of some friends with a pastor and his family. Everyone is such a blessing, and it really is such an opportunity to be out here with everyone and I know that God will be able to use everyone greatly for His purpose as long as they make themselves open and completely transparent for the Kingdom.

I woke up at 5 because I heard people screaming at each other outside, and then as I was laying on the floor listening after it quieted down someones alarm went off on their phone. I think that was God telling me to wake up because it's nice to begin my day. I went outside to be where I could be a bit louder, but really not even loud at all. It's very chilly and I keep shivering and shaking which makes it very hard to type this post up. Everyone else is still asleep which is weird.

I've been having bad allergies for the past few days which sucks because I can't breathe through my nose. I literally was dreaming about killing myself because I couldn't breathe through my nose, it was weird. Definitely not a reason to kill myself, even though it is a very annoying thing. I dreamed that I rebuked my allergies, and I wasn't worried anymore about it. That was sort of how the dream ended if I remember correctly...

I'm watching the sun slowly rise as all the birds fly around. It seems that really the rest of the world is still sleeping. I know that's not true, but it's just what it seems like since I only see the occasional person. Sunrises are wonderful, so it'll be nice to be able to watch one undisturbed. If only it were about 70 degrees right now...

Yesterday was fantastic. From church to the boardwalk yesterday was just amazing fun. The highlight of my day yesterday was just being able to spend time with her. It was nice being able to veer off a little behind, side, or in front of everyone and talk just us. It was wonderful, and that was all that I needed really; to be close to her and just talk. She's a blessing from God, and I know that no matter what comes our way I think that we will be able to overcome it. I still worry sometimes that she'll realize how much she deserves and that it's so much more then what I can give her and she will lose interest, but the selfish part of me really wants to keep her for myself.

The sun by now is casting off this orange hue into the sky, and it is a lot brighter then when I first started this about a half an hour ago. As I sit here looking around, I just see the random snippets of peoples lives, and they are unaware that I'm here. I bet a lot of the times this is how God feels, watching  us. Connected and able to affect everything going on, but letting us make our own decisions each day so we can grow and learn.

The couple that fights and screams and the rest of the world looks on wondering why they are still together, the man that gets into his truck on his way to work like the rest of us, the man leaving with a bag in one arm, and a small child in the other, the two teenagers walking along together down the sidewalk talking in hushed whispers, and the older man humming loudly through on his shiny motorcycle. I'd love to be able to meet them all, and find out more about them, find out why they do what they do.

Maybe the couple that is always yelling at each other is fighting to hold onto something that's slipping away from them, or perhaps there was infidelity with one or the other. I can only imagine that the man leaving for work is facing a lot of unseen obstacles, maybe he has a wife who desperately needs treatment for a fatal disease and he is leaving for his second job. Maybe the man with the bag in one arm and the child in the other was simply moving something into the car, or maybe his spouse is abusive to them both and he doesn't want a child raised in that sort of environment. Maybe the two teenagers walking along whispering in hushed tones were simply on their way back from a night of partying and fun, or maybe they were walking away from a traumatic experience involving one of their friends and they were still stunned. Maybe the older man on the bike was just happy to enjoy the weather that finally took a turn for the warmer, or maybe he was riding away from all of his troubles and fears for the day hoping to get rid of them by just going away for a bit.

We are never really sure what anyone is going through or what their needs in any given situation are. I don't judge, I merely observe. Today is a day that we observe all of those who lost their lives for our country, and I certainly don't plan on being disrespectful. Thank you for all of those who gave their lives because you realized that true freedom and liberty is worth dying for.

All gave some, some gave all.

As I finish this post up I can see the first glimpses of the sun beyond the other condos, more and more cars are rolling through, so this is a sign that the day is ready to begin finally. Mother Nature is now awake, and the rest of the world begins to open its sleepy eyes as well to join in with the rest of us who are up. It's 6 a.m. I suppose it is time to begin with the day.

Good morning, and I hope that God blesses each and everyone of you today. If you are reading this, then He already has just by allowing you to wake up. Take delight in the little things.

Cheers,
Shellshocked

The Human Struggle

"There is nothing, absolutely nothing, no fear, no insecurity, no doubt, no hesitation that will ever stop us.
Because we are the sons of a living God.
Because we are the children of the Almighty.
Because we are the residents of the kingdom of heaven."
-For Today~ Talmidim (The Servants)

There is a disease called culture that needs to be cured,
Because there are often thousands of voices that go unheard.
Society Pauses...
Then Draws Its
Wheezing breath hoping to revitalize its dying heart.
So it can continue its grip on humanity, an age old art.

Strengthened by culture and continually led on by humanity, society is thriving.
The machine is fed from an endless supply of people, who continue striving.
Mankind Realizes
That It's Been Fed Lies And,
There is more to life then living in complete and total desolation.
Jesus Christ is revealed, and his love a weapon of absolute annihilation.

So humankind rises against its oppressor as Jesus is now among them
They are a new creation, and their hope and dreams are found in a new stem.
Society Pauses...
Then Draws Its
Wheezing last breath scared because its heart is so fragile now.
Humanity pushes onward, sons of a living God who makes Society bow.

The children of the almighty, and the residents of heaven make their final assault,
The world groans, the mountains tremble as the climax of the battle is now at a halt.
The Spark That Was Ignited.
The Saving Grace That Excited,
Defeated Society, and ended the oppression that plagued humanity.
Jesus gave them that security and that boldness, he ended that insanity.

Gosh I'm hungry

Why am I always hungry?

I think I have a disease... I eat all the time but I can't eat a lot at once.

Food is good though, even though I should eat healthier.

Maybe I will, and work out.

I wanna get into MMA.

Probably won't though.

Oh well.

So many option, so much to do.

And then this just happened...

So I'll see where I'm at a few months or what I'm doing.

Right now I'm just...

Simply, overwhelmed.

My Summer At a Glance...

Well I'm in New Jersey for my internship with Worship Church! It's amazing, a lot of fun and a lot of work. We are going to be doing so much this summer it's crazy, and I know God is going to move so amazingly that everyone involved won't be the same at the end of the summer. My friend and I share the basement downstairs and it's nice and freezing. He's the other intern for the summer, and he's a great guy. He's really funny and he's got a great heart; he reminds me a lot of Charlie Brown. He's a really talented guy and I know that he is gonna be used in tremendous ways this summer! I'm living with the Pastor and his family and they are such a blessing. They are so accommodating and genuinely in love with the Lord. They are all extremely funny and talented as well, and I love how they are so chill.

I'm surrounded by such above average people, you know the extraordinary that it is really hard not to realize just how average and ordinary I am. They have all of these incredible qualities and talents and I don't really do anything. Oh well, God will use me too I know it!

I'm going to be preaching for the youth ministry we are starting this summer, and I'm extremely excited about that. I know that God is going to breathe life into the spiritually dead in them, and I know that He will break chains of bondage in so many people's lives. This summer is all about losing control, and letting go. It's all about that radical faith and abandonment of ourselves we are called to everyday.

Post-Church Thoughts

I have so much to do, and almost no time to do any of it in. There are ten thousand people I have to hang out with, and I only have a week to do it in. I'm just hoping that I can do everything that I need to in the time that I have.


I had a date with my best friend yesterday which was awesome! It's so nice getting to hang out with her this week some. We went to the park, some little diner downtown, to the mall, and finally back at my place for video games. It was a pretty awesome day needless to say. I climbed a waterfall while we were at the park, it was pretty cool not gonna lie. She goes on vacation with her family and boyfriend on Friday I believe, so it'll be the last time I see them until like Christmas unless they visit me up in Jersey.

I've decided that I don't like being a leader. I'm always pressed to do things a certain way, or act a certain way because people are always watching what I do. I don't understand why it's my responsibility to act one way simply because people are going to do what I do. It's their choice, why does it have to affect me? It's just obnoxious.

I really just wanna turn my phone off, I talk to a lot of people but none of them are really talking about anything. They just wanna talk, to talk. Conversations like that don't hold my interest for very long unless I like you(and I can't even talk to her haha), so don't take it personally if it takes me half the day to respond to that 9 a.m. text of yours. I bet if God had a cellphone, he'd have the same problem except on a much larger scale.

I don't really know why I made this post, I didn't talk about anything at all... I guess it was something to do before church. So for anyone reading this... uhm text or message me this phrase: "MUSTACHE BRIGADE" and you will get a free high-five next time I see you. Jesus loves you. So do I... sort of.